The Importance of a Name

I was going to go with an already established name, something people would easily recognize, easily grab onto. But I never really fit into what people can easily grab onto, which is one reason why my current male name has always been kind of bothersome: Nathan. Usually you find about three or four of them in one classroom, at least that's how it was when I was growing up. No differentiation, nothing really unique or special.

The name I chose initially was Valorie. After discussing it with my wife and finding out she really didn't connect with that name, we went on a new name hunt. I found this, a perfect fitting name: Vaela (Vay-la). And what that name means in Old Norse is to lament or cry. And that's where she was born, in my grief, and in my pain. So isn't it fitting that my female name would reflect my journey so far?

As I prepare to transition, I'm essentially building a person... not that she isn't already there but she has yet to be fully defined. It's kind of like building a house. When you buy a house, the rooms are where they're at, but when you're building a house, you get to decide how it's going to look. You get to decide what the layout is going to be.

Vaela is independent but also wants to be loved, she is unique, artistic and has strong opinions about a wide variety of topics, starting with her faith in Christ. She's softer than the man but not weaker. In fact I would say that she's stronger than the man, more assured, more confident. And she's very ready to take her place in the driver's seat.

The importance of a name in my situation is indescribable. I never really connected with my male name. It always made me feel awkward when people would say it, the way it reached my ears never sounded right. I don't exactly know why that is, just one of those strange things, I guess. I know that in getting to name her though there's a lot of personality in it and a lot of being able to be who I am, instead of who I was directed to be. 

Nathan means gift; Vaela means Lament. And it's much more been my story and it much more fits me. But, lamenting is not about staying in grief, it's about growing from it, about moving to the next level. And that's what she represents. She represents a new level of growth in acceptance and stepping into my calling, no matter how strange it may seem.